apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
