maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize