now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
