This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
