yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
