Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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