My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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