so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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