He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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