Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
