her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
they need to just BURY HIM!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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