Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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