But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
