I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
