soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
