I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
