go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
