Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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