Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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