Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
