I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
