Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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