just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
