I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
