Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was confusing and full of hummus
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
