Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
