if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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