walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
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Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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