This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
