I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
