Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
