You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
