i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
