i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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