Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
