It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
