Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
