I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Soap is not a condiment
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
