Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
