Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
