I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
