Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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it glows. i had to have it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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