so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
