I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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