I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
