Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
