Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
