dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We don't watch enough power rangers
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
