Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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