I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
