Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
