I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
