There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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