I wish I could teleport
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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