I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
