Betty ford says i'm here all night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
