Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
