and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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