I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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