i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
