using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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