Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
