he shaved USA in his pubs
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
