Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
