i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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