I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
