Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
