I bet he comes in French.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize