also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
