I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
