I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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