you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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