somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
