I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
